30th August 2005,
Tuesday Morning. Yesterday vomitting after dinner, sleep very early- 9.30pm knock out already. Thought of taking MC today but so many work to complete, couldn't able to not be around. As usual, Pharmacy noisy...am feeling dizzy. Generating Purchase Order now, probably later want to see doctor and take half day MC, not sure how it goes.
Actually wanna write the blog yesterday about th eventful Sunday experience, yet am so filled with work, real busy, no time to check mail. Now also can't, just scrabble a few line before log off. Hope I can still recall the experiences on Sunday. Overall that happened, the Lord is good and faithful. Tomorrow is Merdeka, can't wait to have holidays and to rest. Alright Blog...will log in later, Chao!
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Saturday, Great!
27th August 2005,
Saturday morning. I reached hospital early. This few week has been early in the hospital. Want to catch those come late. Keep on stressing on the punctuality yet still people don't care. Must do something about this. Yeah...wow, this 2 days very hapenning, tired yet exciting, at least I was out from home, get exposed to the different environment, meeting friends and getting myself busy.
Saturday as usual will be busy day. The staff is chatting outside about Malaysian Idols, I can hear that:) Early morning not much work- they will be talking, yeah...nevermind la, should be okie. Charmine helping outside In-Patient. Mag in the room, not sure what she's doing- probably getting the Bulletin done before MSQH.
Later mum and brother will be going to fetch sis from airport, then probably catch me for lunch then go mainland. Yeah...last nite went to E&O then drop by Segagate to see the CG Outing- Eu Geen and Angie joining. Had good time. Raining, tired but good day. Lily smsed, asked to fetch them to church today- car got accident. Not sure what happen- another accident? Lord, protect your people thru' all the travelling. Grant me this day- day of rejoicing and joy in Your presence. Guide me to love, care and be sensitive to others need, wisdom in workplace, give the best to You, Amen!
Saturday morning. I reached hospital early. This few week has been early in the hospital. Want to catch those come late. Keep on stressing on the punctuality yet still people don't care. Must do something about this. Yeah...wow, this 2 days very hapenning, tired yet exciting, at least I was out from home, get exposed to the different environment, meeting friends and getting myself busy.
Saturday as usual will be busy day. The staff is chatting outside about Malaysian Idols, I can hear that:) Early morning not much work- they will be talking, yeah...nevermind la, should be okie. Charmine helping outside In-Patient. Mag in the room, not sure what she's doing- probably getting the Bulletin done before MSQH.
Later mum and brother will be going to fetch sis from airport, then probably catch me for lunch then go mainland. Yeah...last nite went to E&O then drop by Segagate to see the CG Outing- Eu Geen and Angie joining. Had good time. Raining, tired but good day. Lily smsed, asked to fetch them to church today- car got accident. Not sure what happen- another accident? Lord, protect your people thru' all the travelling. Grant me this day- day of rejoicing and joy in Your presence. Guide me to love, care and be sensitive to others need, wisdom in workplace, give the best to You, Amen!
Friday, August 26, 2005
Friday Cool
26th August 2005,
Fri. 5.18pm. After office hour, take the time to write something in the blog. Fri, geee...real real fast, another week. Today nothing much. Boss wasn't around, he's in Brunei. Morning I sneak out (not really lar..got ask permission from Boss even though he's not around) from hospital to MPPP to check on the payment on my Cukai Pintu. Oh Man...I need to pay RM800 ++ for the tunggakan and the 1/2 yearly Cukai Pintu. This month bill on the rise, mum cataract bill haven't got the reimbursement, hopefully will at least get half reimbursement. This coming Mon need to go again to appeal to waive the Notice and Warran Charges, hopefully they will grant me the appeal. Cool day, early morning gone for Hepatitis Jab- 2nd Dose. Should be vaccinated long ago after dad passed away, but delay till today. Mum keep asking, I 'buat tak tau'. Very bad girl, till someone scared me with the uprising of Hepatitis infection, then only I put a step to get vaccination. The 3rd Dose will be next year-Jan, then need to check for antibody. Hmm...what else to write, am recalling back what happen today. Actually not much- doing Ward Check, Checking antidote for Mercury Overdose, calling up Poison Centre.
Now am waiting for time to pass- wahh...as if i got a lot time. Nahh, checking mail, chatting with Lu Cheah and Angie, then writting the blog. A lot things lying on my table but don't bother to squeeze my brain to think. Wait or tomorrow lar...:) Later will have dinner beside Gleneagles- Northam Towel, Hmm..don't think I can join, really want to attend the Emend Talk since the Pharmacy going to take over CDR. Maybe will join after the talk. Oh man, tomorrow gonna work...sob sob. Quite bz this month, yet still have time to sit with mum watch Korean series movie, not bad Shirley. Have not been going for Prayer Meet, oops, that's not a good sign. Sis might be coming over this Saturday, but her talk will be at the mainland, don't know got time to meet up.
Hmmm...long day, Prayer:- Lord Father, Strengthen me Lord, cause me to be alert and sensitive to others needs, and to be a good listener, childlike faith and to be true to self in every encounter. Bless this day, bless the meeting, bless the people that i'm going to meet, Amen!
Fri. 5.18pm. After office hour, take the time to write something in the blog. Fri, geee...real real fast, another week. Today nothing much. Boss wasn't around, he's in Brunei. Morning I sneak out (not really lar..got ask permission from Boss even though he's not around) from hospital to MPPP to check on the payment on my Cukai Pintu. Oh Man...I need to pay RM800 ++ for the tunggakan and the 1/2 yearly Cukai Pintu. This month bill on the rise, mum cataract bill haven't got the reimbursement, hopefully will at least get half reimbursement. This coming Mon need to go again to appeal to waive the Notice and Warran Charges, hopefully they will grant me the appeal. Cool day, early morning gone for Hepatitis Jab- 2nd Dose. Should be vaccinated long ago after dad passed away, but delay till today. Mum keep asking, I 'buat tak tau'. Very bad girl, till someone scared me with the uprising of Hepatitis infection, then only I put a step to get vaccination. The 3rd Dose will be next year-Jan, then need to check for antibody. Hmm...what else to write, am recalling back what happen today. Actually not much- doing Ward Check, Checking antidote for Mercury Overdose, calling up Poison Centre.
Now am waiting for time to pass- wahh...as if i got a lot time. Nahh, checking mail, chatting with Lu Cheah and Angie, then writting the blog. A lot things lying on my table but don't bother to squeeze my brain to think. Wait or tomorrow lar...:) Later will have dinner beside Gleneagles- Northam Towel, Hmm..don't think I can join, really want to attend the Emend Talk since the Pharmacy going to take over CDR. Maybe will join after the talk. Oh man, tomorrow gonna work...sob sob. Quite bz this month, yet still have time to sit with mum watch Korean series movie, not bad Shirley. Have not been going for Prayer Meet, oops, that's not a good sign. Sis might be coming over this Saturday, but her talk will be at the mainland, don't know got time to meet up.
Hmmm...long day, Prayer:- Lord Father, Strengthen me Lord, cause me to be alert and sensitive to others needs, and to be a good listener, childlike faith and to be true to self in every encounter. Bless this day, bless the meeting, bless the people that i'm going to meet, Amen!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Pray for God's Covering
24th August 2005,
Wed morning. Reached hospital pretty early. Another story of eventful day- for Matthew. Heard from Eric he just met accident. The car got bang by a truck, hugh truch and the whole back bumper got injured. And it's 3 cars in a row. When I heard the news I was like "Oh No!"...What happen to Matt, is he alright? God gracious- He protected Matt, and thank God he's alright. Nothing happen, only the whole car got injury and need to send to car-clinic for check up and operation. Geee...that's pretty scary hearing accident case. Need to pray for God's covering and protection wherever we go. We just shared in Cell last week on car accident, and now this happen..shocking. This morning fetch Matt to work. Thank God not that jam after all, and I manage to reach office early. Today will be bz day- got 2 Ward Check for the whole day. " Lord, may I have strength in You- to go through the day from strength to strength and glory to glory. May this day Your Name be glorified. Thank You!"
Wed morning. Reached hospital pretty early. Another story of eventful day- for Matthew. Heard from Eric he just met accident. The car got bang by a truck, hugh truch and the whole back bumper got injured. And it's 3 cars in a row. When I heard the news I was like "Oh No!"...What happen to Matt, is he alright? God gracious- He protected Matt, and thank God he's alright. Nothing happen, only the whole car got injury and need to send to car-clinic for check up and operation. Geee...that's pretty scary hearing accident case. Need to pray for God's covering and protection wherever we go. We just shared in Cell last week on car accident, and now this happen..shocking. This morning fetch Matt to work. Thank God not that jam after all, and I manage to reach office early. Today will be bz day- got 2 Ward Check for the whole day. " Lord, may I have strength in You- to go through the day from strength to strength and glory to glory. May this day Your Name be glorified. Thank You!"
Monday, August 22, 2005
Deep searching Deep...
22th August 2005,
Monday. It's 5.30pm Monday evening. This morning we had a Staff Meeting. It's like the Cell Group, trying to start with some ice-breaker before start the meeting, but due to time constraint I directly move on to the meeting minutes. The people are very quiet, wonder how to feel meeting up in the morning. Can't find any better time for meeting; people don't like stay back for meeting coz most of them have families. I tried to keep it short and informative and speed up the meeting..try to finish up before 9am..Geee, 1/2 hour meeting, that is not possible, what can we achieve? Finally- ended about almost 9am.
Work piling up. MSQH drawing near. A lot more things to settle, but I'm just cool, and steadfast. Got time lar, got time...don't over-stress yourself. Things are under control. Pas. Sam's sermon on Saturday was very encouraging and challenging. It knocked at the door of my heart when he mention searching deep. Going deeper. Deeper in love with Him, deeper love and longing to seek Him, deeper stretching with Him...getting deeper with Him; not a superficial one, not a surface service or devotion- going deeper for the source of life, goal and purpose.
Monday. It's 5.30pm Monday evening. This morning we had a Staff Meeting. It's like the Cell Group, trying to start with some ice-breaker before start the meeting, but due to time constraint I directly move on to the meeting minutes. The people are very quiet, wonder how to feel meeting up in the morning. Can't find any better time for meeting; people don't like stay back for meeting coz most of them have families. I tried to keep it short and informative and speed up the meeting..try to finish up before 9am..Geee, 1/2 hour meeting, that is not possible, what can we achieve? Finally- ended about almost 9am.
Work piling up. MSQH drawing near. A lot more things to settle, but I'm just cool, and steadfast. Got time lar, got time...don't over-stress yourself. Things are under control. Pas. Sam's sermon on Saturday was very encouraging and challenging. It knocked at the door of my heart when he mention searching deep. Going deeper. Deeper in love with Him, deeper love and longing to seek Him, deeper stretching with Him...getting deeper with Him; not a superficial one, not a surface service or devotion- going deeper for the source of life, goal and purpose.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Burned Up and not Burned Out
20th August 2005,
Saturday Morning. Wonderful Praise and Worship. Has not been experiencing this for quite some time. Pastor Sam's birthday today. We had a small Breakfast Party for Ps Sam, good time...good food:) The passage preached today is focus on Ps 84.
Saturday Morning. Wonderful Praise and Worship. Has not been experiencing this for quite some time. Pastor Sam's birthday today. We had a small Breakfast Party for Ps Sam, good time...good food:) The passage preached today is focus on Ps 84.
1 How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry outfor the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.
2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry outfor the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.
5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.
9 Look upon our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one.
10 Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
12 O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.
10 Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
12 O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.
It's very encouraging. It's about His Glory, about His presence...nothing else matter. Like how Moses cried out: " If Your presence did not go with us, we don't want to leave this place". If Your presence not with us, it's worthless for us to move on from here, to serve and to have our being...Come and dwell in us through our workplace, our family, our church...Come and reign..
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Perils of Autumn
18th August 2005,
Thurs afternoon, 4.54pm. Time to go home, want to write the blog before sign out. Thurs was fine. Early moring, do some purchasing and reports. Dr. Leong was half day, so not much of Chemo-case to do, a bit free..no need to go up ward. Just now spoken to Sister Qym regarding CDR. She's very happy we gonna take over. Myself, a bit excited, mixed with feeling of fear and inadequacy, whether can we cope? Not enough staff now, but can we cope? Can the 3 pharmacist cope then? Hopefully so. Waitng for MSQH to get over- another 18 more days to go. Thats' pretty near, are we ready for it? Can the Pharmacy Staff perform according to the standard and S.O.P. Has spoon-feed quite a lot, I expect them to able to work well.
Autumn. One of the 4 seasons: Winter--> Spring--> Summer--> Autumn. The winter is over, it should be the time for spring, but so weird...as far as I can identify, this is the time of Autumn. I've just missed Spring and Summer. Autumn is a time to be refreshed after long serving, to avoid burn-out, to rekindle passion and focus. Autumn is a time to quieten down, and to search, seek the direction from the Lord, and to be focused for the upcoming service. Autumn is the time of care-free, to be still, to be still and know that He is Lord. Am searching long, the process of autumn has been long, and it has not end, or it might end, but I just didn't realise, didn't sense of the wind of change.
Perils of Autumn- passiveness, lukewarm, complacency, holidays mood. Need to be sensitive to the chance, to understand the end of the season when it arrive, or else will lost the opportunity. It has been a while. I need to set some goals- start small, measurable, achievable, realistic with timeframe (SMART). Yeah...Eric shared this before. Where to start, Lord? Teach me, help me to identify the area to start. Not too much focus on self. Focus on You, Lord! It's all about You...Open my eyes to see, and my spiritual heart to sense Your leading, and move with You.
Thurs afternoon, 4.54pm. Time to go home, want to write the blog before sign out. Thurs was fine. Early moring, do some purchasing and reports. Dr. Leong was half day, so not much of Chemo-case to do, a bit free..no need to go up ward. Just now spoken to Sister Qym regarding CDR. She's very happy we gonna take over. Myself, a bit excited, mixed with feeling of fear and inadequacy, whether can we cope? Not enough staff now, but can we cope? Can the 3 pharmacist cope then? Hopefully so. Waitng for MSQH to get over- another 18 more days to go. Thats' pretty near, are we ready for it? Can the Pharmacy Staff perform according to the standard and S.O.P. Has spoon-feed quite a lot, I expect them to able to work well.
Autumn. One of the 4 seasons: Winter--> Spring--> Summer--> Autumn. The winter is over, it should be the time for spring, but so weird...as far as I can identify, this is the time of Autumn. I've just missed Spring and Summer. Autumn is a time to be refreshed after long serving, to avoid burn-out, to rekindle passion and focus. Autumn is a time to quieten down, and to search, seek the direction from the Lord, and to be focused for the upcoming service. Autumn is the time of care-free, to be still, to be still and know that He is Lord. Am searching long, the process of autumn has been long, and it has not end, or it might end, but I just didn't realise, didn't sense of the wind of change.
Perils of Autumn- passiveness, lukewarm, complacency, holidays mood. Need to be sensitive to the chance, to understand the end of the season when it arrive, or else will lost the opportunity. It has been a while. I need to set some goals- start small, measurable, achievable, realistic with timeframe (SMART). Yeah...Eric shared this before. Where to start, Lord? Teach me, help me to identify the area to start. Not too much focus on self. Focus on You, Lord! It's all about You...Open my eyes to see, and my spiritual heart to sense Your leading, and move with You.
Jesus, we enthrone You...
18th August 2005,
Thursday morning. Went for morning prayer. 4 of us in the prayer- Pr. Sam, Maryanne, and Ivy (USM). Had a wonderful time of worship- praising God, enthrone Him and magnifying His Name over all the earth. After prayer, fetch the student back, and on my way to work. Stop by one coffee shop at Pulau Tikus, had my breakfast/Brunch for the start of the day.
Reach hospital pretty early. Pharmacy so quiet, great! Nobody here yet, am the only one. Another new day. Praying for a good start of the day- with God's wisdom to work, His joy to love and His strength to sustain. The Lord be enthroned in GMC, in Pharmacy, in my family, over my friends, Cell Group, Church....
Thursday morning. Went for morning prayer. 4 of us in the prayer- Pr. Sam, Maryanne, and Ivy (USM). Had a wonderful time of worship- praising God, enthrone Him and magnifying His Name over all the earth. After prayer, fetch the student back, and on my way to work. Stop by one coffee shop at Pulau Tikus, had my breakfast/Brunch for the start of the day.
Reach hospital pretty early. Pharmacy so quiet, great! Nobody here yet, am the only one. Another new day. Praying for a good start of the day- with God's wisdom to work, His joy to love and His strength to sustain. The Lord be enthroned in GMC, in Pharmacy, in my family, over my friends, Cell Group, Church....
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Busy day...Pressing on
16th August 2005,
Tues. Busy day. Had a session of meeting with staff on Fire Safety and Code White. Very basic things what to do during Fire and Mass Disaster. The staff need to be awared on the Casualty flow and Plan chart. At least if any question post to them, they can answer well. Just need a few more fine tuning to get ready MSQH. Documentation almost done, a bit more, a bit more- pressed on. After Sept, got so many things coming in- It's the time to get ready to really sit down and write protocol on CDR. Quite scary, but it's challenging. Should not complaint on that. Need to make it into reality.
So much about work. Wondering back my mind- Church, service, devotion to God. Have I been a faithful servant, any pleasant testimony? If I'm not struggles on my own flesh and surrender, what does that means? What should be the next step and action plan, or initiative to draw close to God. What are the area He wants to work in me? Am I allowing Him to do so?
This Fri I won't be sharing. Matt will be leading the topic. Great, seeing Cheah Keat and Matt rising up, serving, leading, shepherding. Encouraging. What about you Shirley? What is your stand now? How do you want to take up Ministry upcoming season? How do you evaluate the season? Has the winter over? What about the autumn and spring? How do you want to move on with the life of passion, to take off the idleness and fly on the wing of eagles? Why are you weary and sadden? Have you not trust the Father?
Nothing you can do, to make Him love you more, Nothing you have done, could make Him close the door. Because of His great love, He gave His only Son, Everything was done so You would come. ...Everything was done so you would come. It is DONE, it is finished....pressed on, pressed on...come on Shirley, Press On!!! Daddy loves you!
I'm pressing on Daddy, wait for me....I'm coming, please don't go away. Wait for me, give me more time...I'm learning to walk Daddy...
Tues. Busy day. Had a session of meeting with staff on Fire Safety and Code White. Very basic things what to do during Fire and Mass Disaster. The staff need to be awared on the Casualty flow and Plan chart. At least if any question post to them, they can answer well. Just need a few more fine tuning to get ready MSQH. Documentation almost done, a bit more, a bit more- pressed on. After Sept, got so many things coming in- It's the time to get ready to really sit down and write protocol on CDR. Quite scary, but it's challenging. Should not complaint on that. Need to make it into reality.
So much about work. Wondering back my mind- Church, service, devotion to God. Have I been a faithful servant, any pleasant testimony? If I'm not struggles on my own flesh and surrender, what does that means? What should be the next step and action plan, or initiative to draw close to God. What are the area He wants to work in me? Am I allowing Him to do so?
This Fri I won't be sharing. Matt will be leading the topic. Great, seeing Cheah Keat and Matt rising up, serving, leading, shepherding. Encouraging. What about you Shirley? What is your stand now? How do you want to take up Ministry upcoming season? How do you evaluate the season? Has the winter over? What about the autumn and spring? How do you want to move on with the life of passion, to take off the idleness and fly on the wing of eagles? Why are you weary and sadden? Have you not trust the Father?
Nothing you can do, to make Him love you more, Nothing you have done, could make Him close the door. Because of His great love, He gave His only Son, Everything was done so You would come. ...Everything was done so you would come. It is DONE, it is finished....pressed on, pressed on...come on Shirley, Press On!!! Daddy loves you!
I'm pressing on Daddy, wait for me....I'm coming, please don't go away. Wait for me, give me more time...I'm learning to walk Daddy...
Vertical, Horizontal Line...
16th August 2005,
Tuesday. Today will be having a meeting with staff- on Fire Safety and Code White. Can't imagine a Pharmacist like me require to brief the staff on such topic which I'm not familiar with. Anyway, it's time of learning for all of us too: basic topic on what to do during Fire disaster or Mass Disaster. How to use Fire Extingusher and common understanding of the Fire Break glass panel, Fire alarm, Fire Exit. Evacuation Plan etc. Sounds interesting.
Yesterday had supper with Roland and Celina. Informative discussion on Ministry. I know deep in my heart that the passion for Ministry and church has been cool. "Cooling" isn't a good word to use. I felt pretty sad yesterday after the discussion. Probably what Roland said is true- his view and stand on Ministry, yet I still find very hard to flow in the Ministry as how I used to be. And that should have some time-frame so that the passion will not be diluted and getting far off and disconnect. I understand that fully, but I still couldn't do anything. What I know is I just want to be cool down, be in the place where I can just be myself, not bound by anything. Or probably that is the rebellious natue in me. Or is it that I couldn't accept myself. Or how? I don't know, what I know is that my relationship with others isn't well, not in the sense of having dispute or bitterness towards others, not of being angry of jeolous of others. It's just the nature of me, being quite passive, and getting angry and impatience esily nowadays. Where is the fruit of the Spirit? How is my relationship with God? Am I still angry with Him? How could I? Searching deep within, I couldn't stand the brokenness felt within. Is that another rolling emotion and depair spirit? How to counter that? How to use the Word of God, to stay positive? I'm so amazed by how Roland reacted after he lost his wallet. In such time like this, he choose to praise God, to stand and praise God. If I'm in such condition how should be my reaction? If something happen around me that seems unfavourable how should I thank God? He gives and He takes away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord! What's wrong with me Lord? I couldn't reach Your heart.... I need Your power in me. Father, what's wrong with me? Is it me? Or I should laid my eyes off myself, focus on Him. Lift up your eyes unto the Lord, who does your help comes from, Your help comes from the Lord of the heaven and earth...
I wonder of my relationship with God. Or my relationship with others. It seems cold, cool...that it just like being injected with anaesthetic drugs- no feeling, not initiative. Am I in self pity again? Probably I should not have saying the things that pulling down the Spirit. Probably I need to choose to Praise, to Praise, to Praise...
Talking about openness, honesty. I'll be sharing the subject this Fri. It challenges me again preparing for such lesson- in which I know deep within I am not open, I'm not easily sharing out my heart, and I'm close so that not to be vulnerable to be hurt. Is it God trying to ask me to be more open, more vulnerable? Open up yourself, be yourself, don't worry to be hurt. It's okay- trust me to heal.
Oh God! I'm so tired. Revive my heart once again...
Tuesday. Today will be having a meeting with staff- on Fire Safety and Code White. Can't imagine a Pharmacist like me require to brief the staff on such topic which I'm not familiar with. Anyway, it's time of learning for all of us too: basic topic on what to do during Fire disaster or Mass Disaster. How to use Fire Extingusher and common understanding of the Fire Break glass panel, Fire alarm, Fire Exit. Evacuation Plan etc. Sounds interesting.
Yesterday had supper with Roland and Celina. Informative discussion on Ministry. I know deep in my heart that the passion for Ministry and church has been cool. "Cooling" isn't a good word to use. I felt pretty sad yesterday after the discussion. Probably what Roland said is true- his view and stand on Ministry, yet I still find very hard to flow in the Ministry as how I used to be. And that should have some time-frame so that the passion will not be diluted and getting far off and disconnect. I understand that fully, but I still couldn't do anything. What I know is I just want to be cool down, be in the place where I can just be myself, not bound by anything. Or probably that is the rebellious natue in me. Or is it that I couldn't accept myself. Or how? I don't know, what I know is that my relationship with others isn't well, not in the sense of having dispute or bitterness towards others, not of being angry of jeolous of others. It's just the nature of me, being quite passive, and getting angry and impatience esily nowadays. Where is the fruit of the Spirit? How is my relationship with God? Am I still angry with Him? How could I? Searching deep within, I couldn't stand the brokenness felt within. Is that another rolling emotion and depair spirit? How to counter that? How to use the Word of God, to stay positive? I'm so amazed by how Roland reacted after he lost his wallet. In such time like this, he choose to praise God, to stand and praise God. If I'm in such condition how should be my reaction? If something happen around me that seems unfavourable how should I thank God? He gives and He takes away, Blessed be the Name of the Lord! What's wrong with me Lord? I couldn't reach Your heart.... I need Your power in me. Father, what's wrong with me? Is it me? Or I should laid my eyes off myself, focus on Him. Lift up your eyes unto the Lord, who does your help comes from, Your help comes from the Lord of the heaven and earth...
I wonder of my relationship with God. Or my relationship with others. It seems cold, cool...that it just like being injected with anaesthetic drugs- no feeling, not initiative. Am I in self pity again? Probably I should not have saying the things that pulling down the Spirit. Probably I need to choose to Praise, to Praise, to Praise...
Talking about openness, honesty. I'll be sharing the subject this Fri. It challenges me again preparing for such lesson- in which I know deep within I am not open, I'm not easily sharing out my heart, and I'm close so that not to be vulnerable to be hurt. Is it God trying to ask me to be more open, more vulnerable? Open up yourself, be yourself, don't worry to be hurt. It's okay- trust me to heal.
Oh God! I'm so tired. Revive my heart once again...
Ps 119: 33-40
Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes,
And I shall keep it to the end.
Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law;
Indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.
Make me walk in the path of Your commandments,
For I delight in it. Incline my heart to Your testimonies, And not to covetousness.
Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things,
And revive me in Your way......
Revive me in Your righteousness.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Weekend...just can't wait.
13th August 2005,
Saturday. Each time scribble something in my blog, I'll be thinking of how fast the time fly. It's near weekend, Saturday. I long for saturday and Sunday to come. Great!
This morning drive to work. Haze in Penang getting bad. Can't even see the mainland from my balcony. That's pretty bad. Wonder what's going on? So much changes in the world. Earlier few months, we talk about Tsunami, then 2nd Tsunami, then 3rd Tsunami- prophesy on the destruction of Penang island, then now terrible haze. Is it a sign, some alarm or warning sign God trying to get to us? Yeah...hmmm...to wake up, to rise up from all the worldly pursue and to press on pursuing His and His eternity? To have a change, a transformation paradigm shift- drawing closer, closer to Him. Obeying Him and His Word in everything. To set ourselves pure and holy, blameless till the end of the day of Christ coming? I don't know, only God knows.
Yesterday real real tired. Never been so tired before. Probably has been long not going out supper as this hour. Sign of aging probably. Yesterday High Step was good. Yeah, a learning and reminder again about pure life, conduct in relationship. One thing catch my attention: "Do not awaken love until it is desired". Truly said, but sadly speaking at such society, it has been norm on freedom of the understanding of sex. It's not conservative anymore. People joke about sex so easily, and even for movie, 8 out of 10 movies will have the sexual scenes to lure the audience. It has been consider a norm here. Even for Christian, to watch movie together...what should be the reaction when the scene appeared? Oh oh...can't see? :) Yeah...so what should we do? Banned from all movies, be prayful, Soaking more into His Word, into worship and passion in Him, so that He will able to quieten the love that has been awaken? Not sure, something for us to ponder through.
Hmm..got to get back to work. Half day, Saturday- as usual busiest day.
Saturday. Each time scribble something in my blog, I'll be thinking of how fast the time fly. It's near weekend, Saturday. I long for saturday and Sunday to come. Great!
This morning drive to work. Haze in Penang getting bad. Can't even see the mainland from my balcony. That's pretty bad. Wonder what's going on? So much changes in the world. Earlier few months, we talk about Tsunami, then 2nd Tsunami, then 3rd Tsunami- prophesy on the destruction of Penang island, then now terrible haze. Is it a sign, some alarm or warning sign God trying to get to us? Yeah...hmmm...to wake up, to rise up from all the worldly pursue and to press on pursuing His and His eternity? To have a change, a transformation paradigm shift- drawing closer, closer to Him. Obeying Him and His Word in everything. To set ourselves pure and holy, blameless till the end of the day of Christ coming? I don't know, only God knows.
Yesterday real real tired. Never been so tired before. Probably has been long not going out supper as this hour. Sign of aging probably. Yesterday High Step was good. Yeah, a learning and reminder again about pure life, conduct in relationship. One thing catch my attention: "Do not awaken love until it is desired". Truly said, but sadly speaking at such society, it has been norm on freedom of the understanding of sex. It's not conservative anymore. People joke about sex so easily, and even for movie, 8 out of 10 movies will have the sexual scenes to lure the audience. It has been consider a norm here. Even for Christian, to watch movie together...what should be the reaction when the scene appeared? Oh oh...can't see? :) Yeah...so what should we do? Banned from all movies, be prayful, Soaking more into His Word, into worship and passion in Him, so that He will able to quieten the love that has been awaken? Not sure, something for us to ponder through.
Hmm..got to get back to work. Half day, Saturday- as usual busiest day.
Lord, grant me a great day this day- good communication with my staff, a time of love and appreciation for all the things You had placed on my path. Surrendering this day to Your embrace, knowing You're here with me always; therefore I will not be afraid- Trust in You My Lord, Amen!
Friday, August 12, 2005
Praise the Lord!
12th August 2005,
Fri. So fast, almost end of the week. Days passing real speedily. Praise the Lord. Things under control today. I had a small chat with Choong. She's doing okie, able to response well, and the In-Patient TTA has resume back it's operation in order. Has short meeting with Staff on Ward Check, things should be going great. The Staff has actually been improving, just that sometimes I complaint too much, and putting too high expectation that will subsequently put some stress on others.
Learning each day to love my staff, to able to open up the communication. Praise the Lord, overall..work has been good. Tonight will be High Step. Has been cut off from Church Fellowship for quite sometimes. Not really...has been involved in church, CG etc, yet still couldn't able to blend in as before. Especially CG members, why? Is it because most already attached? Maybe I'm over-sensitive. I notice I couldn't really talk to my CG members nowadays, why? Maybe I'm just sensitive,.... probably I need to make initiative to greet them, rather than waiting for them to approach me. Need to be proactive. Praise God, later we will be having dinner with Winnie and Andrew. Seem that they had been blend in the group well. Matt has been doing real great job in follow-upping. Myself, slack a lot in follow-up. Has been quite passive these while. Probably sign of aging.....Not easily to laugh. More solemn nowdays. Should laugh more, laugh at my foolishness, laugh at the problems, laugh at the rigidity...and be cool:)
Fri. So fast, almost end of the week. Days passing real speedily. Praise the Lord. Things under control today. I had a small chat with Choong. She's doing okie, able to response well, and the In-Patient TTA has resume back it's operation in order. Has short meeting with Staff on Ward Check, things should be going great. The Staff has actually been improving, just that sometimes I complaint too much, and putting too high expectation that will subsequently put some stress on others.
Learning each day to love my staff, to able to open up the communication. Praise the Lord, overall..work has been good. Tonight will be High Step. Has been cut off from Church Fellowship for quite sometimes. Not really...has been involved in church, CG etc, yet still couldn't able to blend in as before. Especially CG members, why? Is it because most already attached? Maybe I'm over-sensitive. I notice I couldn't really talk to my CG members nowadays, why? Maybe I'm just sensitive,.... probably I need to make initiative to greet them, rather than waiting for them to approach me. Need to be proactive. Praise God, later we will be having dinner with Winnie and Andrew. Seem that they had been blend in the group well. Matt has been doing real great job in follow-upping. Myself, slack a lot in follow-up. Has been quite passive these while. Probably sign of aging.....Not easily to laugh. More solemn nowdays. Should laugh more, laugh at my foolishness, laugh at the problems, laugh at the rigidity...and be cool:)
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Time of Refreshing
11th August 2005,
Thursday morning. Yesterday I told off Choong of not following the SOP, and shift her to Out-Pt before MSQH. Of course she will not be happy about it. Meeting, meeting and meeting. Another 27days before MSQH. Already pass on the job description and expectation to the staff, hopefully things will be in order. On my side, I need to get into my documentation. Paperwork, paperwork. System, system....
Last nite Prayer Meeting was cool. Sense of deep presence of God with us.
Thursday morning. Yesterday I told off Choong of not following the SOP, and shift her to Out-Pt before MSQH. Of course she will not be happy about it. Meeting, meeting and meeting. Another 27days before MSQH. Already pass on the job description and expectation to the staff, hopefully things will be in order. On my side, I need to get into my documentation. Paperwork, paperwork. System, system....
Last nite Prayer Meeting was cool. Sense of deep presence of God with us.
Time of refreshing, here in Your Presence,
No greater blessing than be with You,
My soul is restored, my mind is renewed,
There's no greater joy Lord
than being with You
Praying for another cool great new day, trusting god's presence with us, His Spirit move us....
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Staffing Issue
10th August 2005,
Wednesday morning. Today is a good day. I want to believe it. In fact everyday is a good day and every new day God's unfolding His Glory in our lives. Early morning, reached office. I tried to come eraly, before 8.30am. Want to set myself example for others to follow regarding punctuality yet people still late. Got a disagreement with Choong over the In-Patient Supplying System. We usually supplied drugs according to the schedule- every 3-4 days (Twice Weekly) but she has been acting on her own discretion, to use shortcut, supplied 7 days (whole week). Her reason is that it's faster and save more time. Of course save more time,but higher chances of wrong charging and pt TTA not contra. This lady has been tellling the other colleague of the lousy twice weekly system. Why others don't complaint, and she does?
I asked her come in my room, am still waiting for her to come in. She quiet. Oh man! It's so difficult deal with people who just don't want to obey and always like to do own way. If that's the case, should I take a disciplinary action? How to start on that? Pls don't force me to take displinary action. I don't want to see things sour up and get the staff scared of the management. Lord, lead how to handle this? Am I really been bossy? Am I seem like dictator? I really don't think so Lord. I do listen to the complaints of others, and I want to give my best, to improve in the area seem necessary. Is it wrong for me to request and set certain level of expectation on the staff? For them to be competant, to be more efficient? Lord, i really don't know, please lead me to talk to this lady. I'm not good in expressing ideas, I pray that You help me to get the ideas across, that the people will understand my concern and heartbeat.
Wednesday morning. Today is a good day. I want to believe it. In fact everyday is a good day and every new day God's unfolding His Glory in our lives. Early morning, reached office. I tried to come eraly, before 8.30am. Want to set myself example for others to follow regarding punctuality yet people still late. Got a disagreement with Choong over the In-Patient Supplying System. We usually supplied drugs according to the schedule- every 3-4 days (Twice Weekly) but she has been acting on her own discretion, to use shortcut, supplied 7 days (whole week). Her reason is that it's faster and save more time. Of course save more time,but higher chances of wrong charging and pt TTA not contra. This lady has been tellling the other colleague of the lousy twice weekly system. Why others don't complaint, and she does?
I asked her come in my room, am still waiting for her to come in. She quiet. Oh man! It's so difficult deal with people who just don't want to obey and always like to do own way. If that's the case, should I take a disciplinary action? How to start on that? Pls don't force me to take displinary action. I don't want to see things sour up and get the staff scared of the management. Lord, lead how to handle this? Am I really been bossy? Am I seem like dictator? I really don't think so Lord. I do listen to the complaints of others, and I want to give my best, to improve in the area seem necessary. Is it wrong for me to request and set certain level of expectation on the staff? For them to be competant, to be more efficient? Lord, i really don't know, please lead me to talk to this lady. I'm not good in expressing ideas, I pray that You help me to get the ideas across, that the people will understand my concern and heartbeat.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Early Bird
9th August 2005,
Tuesday Morning. Reached hospital very early, about 7.30am. The Pharmacy Department very quiet. Take the time to say a little prayer. "God I need your wisdom today, God bless my staff- their family, their health, their life. Father, help me to love them and lead me to lead them, God, help me to be a blessing and testimony"
Yesterday Mag shared her concern on staff's discipline. Whether should we take displinary action on those talking on phone while working. Oh, she realise that as well? I've been telling the staff not to do it, but they still continue, so what can I do? I don't want to act till taking displinary action or giving warning letter. That will really sour up the relationship with my staff. But pleasing man or doing the right thing? Which is the right thing, and when's the right time. Need His wisdom. This afternoon will be having another staff meeting. I'll need to facillitate the discussion on the common questions for mSQH so that the staff will able to familiarize with the correct P&P. Pray that they will be receptive and not offended by the high expectation from me;)
This morning prayer was good. A time of repentance of our own dependence, pride and self-reliance. We don't even realise that. A question for us to ponder everyday. Are we relying on God each day, in our workplace, our crisis, our family, our relationship? How are we relying on Him? We decrease, He increase? Die to self, live for Christ. May the power of His resurrection empower us today. Because He lives, we can see tomorrow....
Tuesday Morning. Reached hospital very early, about 7.30am. The Pharmacy Department very quiet. Take the time to say a little prayer. "God I need your wisdom today, God bless my staff- their family, their health, their life. Father, help me to love them and lead me to lead them, God, help me to be a blessing and testimony"
Yesterday Mag shared her concern on staff's discipline. Whether should we take displinary action on those talking on phone while working. Oh, she realise that as well? I've been telling the staff not to do it, but they still continue, so what can I do? I don't want to act till taking displinary action or giving warning letter. That will really sour up the relationship with my staff. But pleasing man or doing the right thing? Which is the right thing, and when's the right time. Need His wisdom. This afternoon will be having another staff meeting. I'll need to facillitate the discussion on the common questions for mSQH so that the staff will able to familiarize with the correct P&P. Pray that they will be receptive and not offended by the high expectation from me;)
This morning prayer was good. A time of repentance of our own dependence, pride and self-reliance. We don't even realise that. A question for us to ponder everyday. Are we relying on God each day, in our workplace, our crisis, our family, our relationship? How are we relying on Him? We decrease, He increase? Die to self, live for Christ. May the power of His resurrection empower us today. Because He lives, we can see tomorrow....
Saturday, August 06, 2005
A good start for ladies
6th Aug 2005,
It's Saturday, end of the week. As usual, work; as usual Pharmacy full with noise- start of the day. They're talking about Mr Cheah's car. Not sure what's the gossip and chatting about. Can't keep up to that and won't want to involve in the things that is not beneficial. Worthless chatter, but I have been quiet. Head of Department should talk more, to know how to stir the group into excitement. My Finance Manager usually will come to Dispensary once a while to 'sembang' with the staff. But how come I find difficult. See how it goes, don't want to pressuring myself to much on that.
Yesterday Ladies Nite. Wow, can't believe I facilitate, with so lack of experience I share on the matter in regards purity and virginity. At some moment, there are silence, at some point we divert the sharing to guys. Ooops, at some point, we laugh and blush. Overall, we had great time. And it's the start of the ladies fellowship. The sharing is pretty normal- everyone go through, it's just sometimes too personal to share. We finished very late. 12am leave Sharon's house, then fetch Jasmine back, talk further in the car till 1am. Wow..man, I'm so tired. But it's nice. I learned to be opened, and learn to accept encouragement and edification from others.
The Pharmacy seems real noisy now. Should I just leave it as it is, or walk out and join the crowd? Or see what they're doing. Sometimes, it's just out of my control. God, I need your intervention. Teach me what to do.
It's Saturday, end of the week. As usual, work; as usual Pharmacy full with noise- start of the day. They're talking about Mr Cheah's car. Not sure what's the gossip and chatting about. Can't keep up to that and won't want to involve in the things that is not beneficial. Worthless chatter, but I have been quiet. Head of Department should talk more, to know how to stir the group into excitement. My Finance Manager usually will come to Dispensary once a while to 'sembang' with the staff. But how come I find difficult. See how it goes, don't want to pressuring myself to much on that.
Yesterday Ladies Nite. Wow, can't believe I facilitate, with so lack of experience I share on the matter in regards purity and virginity. At some moment, there are silence, at some point we divert the sharing to guys. Ooops, at some point, we laugh and blush. Overall, we had great time. And it's the start of the ladies fellowship. The sharing is pretty normal- everyone go through, it's just sometimes too personal to share. We finished very late. 12am leave Sharon's house, then fetch Jasmine back, talk further in the car till 1am. Wow..man, I'm so tired. But it's nice. I learned to be opened, and learn to accept encouragement and edification from others.
The Pharmacy seems real noisy now. Should I just leave it as it is, or walk out and join the crowd? Or see what they're doing. Sometimes, it's just out of my control. God, I need your intervention. Teach me what to do.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Management Support
2nd August 2005,
Today busy day. Has been running up and down for the MSQH P&P and the CDR validation. Has been really tired. Seem that all that I've done lacking of support, from staff, from Management and from others. Sometimes just feel like giving up, pushing through, pushing hard yet it just seem can't get through. It's like pushing the huge giant wall, huge stone, huge barrier. What happen Lord? I know You're in this, surely You're with me, but why it's just so difficult to push through? Has been long, I am tired. Again, I am so tired of people. What is the lesson? Pls help! I couldn't push again, without You.
Just do my best, lower down my expectation, trying to motivate staff. Or love them. How to love them? Things not done accordingly, no standard. How to inspire this people when the boss is not inspired? I need Your inspiration Lord. Revive me again, Give me a fresh understanding and movitation. Only You able.
Today busy day. Has been running up and down for the MSQH P&P and the CDR validation. Has been really tired. Seem that all that I've done lacking of support, from staff, from Management and from others. Sometimes just feel like giving up, pushing through, pushing hard yet it just seem can't get through. It's like pushing the huge giant wall, huge stone, huge barrier. What happen Lord? I know You're in this, surely You're with me, but why it's just so difficult to push through? Has been long, I am tired. Again, I am so tired of people. What is the lesson? Pls help! I couldn't push again, without You.
Just do my best, lower down my expectation, trying to motivate staff. Or love them. How to love them? Things not done accordingly, no standard. How to inspire this people when the boss is not inspired? I need Your inspiration Lord. Revive me again, Give me a fresh understanding and movitation. Only You able.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Through it All
1th Aug 2005,
It's Monday, almost half a year of 2005 gone. Time flies. Last week CG was good, we shared and reviewed together on what the Lord has done in our lives for the past half year ago. People come, people go. A lot of changes and ups and downs. Some grown and filled with beautiful experiences, some has slacked and gone through turmoils and stagnant life. In all and of all, the Lord is still good and faithful, and worthy to be praised. It's the assurance of His love and unfailing compassion that lead us through. Through it all, through it all, He sees us through.
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
It's Monday, almost half a year of 2005 gone. Time flies. Last week CG was good, we shared and reviewed together on what the Lord has done in our lives for the past half year ago. People come, people go. A lot of changes and ups and downs. Some grown and filled with beautiful experiences, some has slacked and gone through turmoils and stagnant life. In all and of all, the Lord is still good and faithful, and worthy to be praised. It's the assurance of His love and unfailing compassion that lead us through. Through it all, through it all, He sees us through.
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness
And I look to You
And I wait on You
I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
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